BOYCOTT SONY CORPORATION!!!!!

I know I said I'd be busy and not posting, but I got a response to my letter to Sony in the mail today.

Dear Mr. Fishman,

Blah blah blah, we're sorry, call this number and reference this code so we can speak about your letter on the telephone.

Sincerely,

National Customer Service Douchebag

Of course I called, just because I was curious what they would say. I shouldn't have been curious at all, because, well, it's a giant electronics corporation, and I'm one ex-customer who purchased a $50 pair of headphones.

I spoke to Debbie Kutz, who apologized profusely. I trashed their company, the store I shopped in, the management at the store, the sales associates, etc. She said, "I'm very sorry." This is what she offered as a solution:

I could mail my headphones along with the original sales receipt to some location in Austin, TX (or something like that), and they would send me a replacement pair. Debbie made it clear that the replacements would not necessarily be new - they would probably be "refurbished." But they would function, nonetheless.

Refurbished. Are you fucking kidding me?

I told her that this was useless and it wasn't even worth paying to ship them to Texas since I had already purchased a fine pair of headphones from another company. I threw away the original receipt anyway after the asshole at Sony Style told me there was nothing he could do for me. After I wrote the original letter, I threw the box and receipt away, and kept the headphones so I could use the cord to strangle the manager from Sony Style if I ever ran into him in public.

"Oh, you don't want to pay for the shipping?", says Debbie, "Well, we'll send you a pre-paid envelope. Just find your original receipt and call me back if that's what you'd like us to do, and we'll mail you a pre-paid envelope right away."

Awesome. Fucking awesome. I hate you so much, Debbie. I'm sure you're a great person, but because you're the messenger, not only am I going to shoot you, but I'm going to urinate on your carcass. I hope your customer service headset is loaded with asbestos so you die a slow, horrible death several years down the road. I hope your children fight over the settlement from your long and painful lawsuit, and during a meeting with the Sony executives and defense council, the Sony video monitor in the conference room catches on fire and everyone dies in a hellacious inferno. I hope that happens; I really do.

But it won't. Because the corporations always win. Always. It makes sense. When there are millions of pigeons just waiting to throw money at anything with the Sony name on it, why should the individual customer matter? That's just how business works. I thought some companies out there still cared for the consumer, but I'm going to venture a guess that none actually do.

So, now what? I got nothing; I have no next course of action. I didn't even get any closure.

If anyone has any suggestions for what to do next, other than have her mail me a pre-paid envelope so I can poop in it and mail it back to her, please let me know. I'm tired of feeling helpless when pitted against the corporate machine.

Damn the Man. Damn Him.


***UPDATE*** Since pooping in the pre-paid envelope might somehow get me arrested, I think what I'm going to do is hard boil an egg, draw a middle finger on it, and plug the headphones directly into the egg, and mail that to them. Any/all ideas are appreciated, thank you.