Greetings!

Hello! My name is Dan, and this is my blog.

"You must be new to this! You haven't posted in a month," You say.

Two things: 1) This is true; 2) I haven't been in the mood to post, 3) Fuck you; get off my back - QUEEN OF THE HARPIES!

"You said two things, that was three," You say.

Please, refer back to number 3. It's been a rough month.

"Why? What's so rough? You're a weak, weak man, Daniel," You say.

Don't call me Daniel. Are you my mother? Girlfriend? Alright. Take it easy then.

My month was spent doing the following: 1) Being sick, 2) feeling sick, 3) dealing with final exams, final papers, and final projects, 4) drinking/socializing (on occasion), 5) Working 20-30 hours per week.

You'd think with only 3 classes this semester that it would have been more manageable down the stretch. Well, I've learned there is a God, because s/he really fucked me over to make it even harder this time with a lighter course load. Another thing that made it so difficult - I hated all of my classes (This seems to be a pattern as I get closer to graduation).

About 3 weeks ago, I got tonsilitis. I missed 3 days of class, a day of work, and I was in bed for 3-4 days - something that hasn't happened to me since Junior High. I haven't seen a doctor, taken any prescription medication (that was prescribed for me) in college. I started getting better from the antibiotics I was on, and immediately thought I was healthy again and started drinking and going out and partying, etc. I'd say of the 10 days I was on antibiotics, I binge drank on, conservatively, 3-4 of those nights.

So I finished my antibiotics. I was healthy! Life was good. After about a week of feeling pretty good (but still not 100% for some reason), I thought I was coming down with a cold. Wow, lucky me, I keep getting sick - I've spread myself too thin and I'm not getting enough rest... Plus, I'm overdue for illnesses having had a pretty solid immune system until now.

Well, it wasn't a cold. It was a relapse of tonsilitis. More antibiotics, a throat culture, and I was back in bed - missing work (though, thankfully not class, because class had just ended) and staring a paper and two exams in the face without the energy to get out of bed, let alone focus, research, write, study. Well, the throat culture was negative, so either it was a bacterial infection, or... (drum roll please)... Mono. Yay! Mono BEFORE finals!

Somehow, I got through all of this, I wrote my paper (it was garbage), I took my exams (didn't do particularly well on either - the first was the hardest exam I've ever taken and the second, well, I just didn't give a damn). I never could have done it without the glory that is the overdiagnosis of Attention Deficit Disorder and the over-prescription of stimulants to "treat" it. I love this society.

But you know what? Life is good. And you know why? Because it's all over - and the only things standing between me and my bed in Michigan is a week and a half of work, a bit of rest & relaxation, and an 11-hour drive across Massachusetts, Northern New York, and a section of Ontario (that's in Canada, folks). I am going to enjoy this.

Next on the agenda: find a job for next fall. Boston? DC? San Francisco? Anything out there for me? Hopefully I can score something sweet because of Ginger Affirmative Action. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Everyone have a wonderful winter vacation (if you get one), and a great New Year. Who knows if I'll be inspired to check back in before then - something tells me I'll have a bit of extra time on my hands these next few weeks.

TV Strike

I didn't post yesterday. Oh well, game over.

Can we talk about the TV writers' strike, though? There are maybe 4 or 5 TV shows that I like to watch during the year. Two of them are Lost and The Office. Both shows are affected by the recent hollywood writers' strike. After the few already taped episodes of the office air, they will show reruns until the strike ends. The premiere of Lost, originally set for January of 2008, will be pushed back indefinitely.

Guess what!

THERE'S PLENTY OF FUCKING MONEY TO GO AROUND YOU GREEDY CORPORATE COCKSUCKERS!

The problem is, nobody will stop watching TV as a result of the strike. People will watch the shitty last-minute reality shows and re-runs they show, and clap their hands with delight while they bask in the glowing warmth of TV's warming glow. Media companies can sit back with their hands folded neatly in their laps and just wait - because they're not going to lose much money as a result. If they were, the strike would end quickly and we would hear nothing about it.

Give the writers their fair share. Seriously. TV shows don't exist without writers, and they get paid beans for shows you make millions of dollars per episode on. The last agreement you made was in 1988; it's not farfetched to say that things in the media world have changed a bit in the last 19 years. So, strike an agreement about new media that is fair. You will still make plenty of money after you give the writers just a small portion of what they deserve. Shaving just a couple of percentage points off isn't going to destroy your quarterly earnings, and won't prevent your executives from taking home far more money than they've ever earned with every single paycheck.

Absolutely disgusting. Leave your TVs off, don't let these assholes win like they always do.

Day 5

It's day 5 of 30. I am 1/6th of the way there, 16.67% complete. And guess what, folks? This is difficult.

As a matter of fact, I am struggling to come up with things to write about. Go figure! Just like the newspaper sucks on certain days, my blog will certainly suck when nothing is going on in my world.

This is where you come in. All 2+ of my readers. I need assistance coming up with things to write about. I'll write about (almost) anything just to get through these difficult times.

This post, a cry for help, was not even my own idea. Every time the idea well runs dry, I did what I always do: I thought, What Would Matt Skolnick Do? I asked Matt, and he recommended this post, which, in turn, has given me a business idea:

Bracelets with WWMSD printed on them. That way, whenever you're faced with a hard decision, you just look down at your wrist and think: What Would Matt Skolnick Do?

Example:
My friend's birthday is coming up, what do I get her/him?

Answer:
WWMSD?
Ice Cream Cake.

Example:
I'm hungry, but I'm not sure what to eat.

Answer:
WWMSD?
Go to The Wrap, and get a buffalo chicken wrap.

It's easy, it's helpful, it's original, it's marketable. I've got an associate of mine writing up the business plan right now.


Anyway - aside from that, help me think of things to write about, or I'll keep writing about random ridiculous stuff.

Or, heaven forbid, I'll have to start reading the news and commenting on intelligent/newsworthy material. And we don't want that to happen. God, no.

With that, I leave you with this Story about Jon Kitna finding Jesus.

Good day.

Detroit Lions

Ladies and Gentlemen, today's post is dedicated to the Detroit Lions, whose 44-7 victory over the Denver Broncos put them at 6-2, in 2nd place in the NFC Central behind the Green Bay Packers.

6-2. Sweet Baby Jesus.

I know this season probably won't or can't amount to anything, but John Kitna was a laughing stock when he said this team was capable of putting up 10 wins this year. Now, it's VERY early to predict a 4-4 finish (at worst) for a 10-6 record, but the fact that it's even within reach after 8 games in is amazing. Amazing. Let me tell you why.

I have been a Detroit Lions fan my entire life. The last time the Lions won a playoff game was in 1991. They then lost in the NFC championship to the Washington Redskins, 41-10. I was 6 years old, and I don't remember this. In 1993, 1994, and 1995, the Lions made the playoffs, losing each time in the first round, twice to the packers, and once in a crushing defeat to the Eagles. I have vivid memories of the loss to the Eagles, 58-37.

At that point, the prolific offense held by the Lions for years began to deteriorate into the team that I have followed and cheered for for the entirety of my teenage and adult years thus far. They made the playoffs again in 1997 and 1999, losing both times in the first round, again. After the 1999 season, Barry Sanders retired at age 30, tired of playing for a losing organization. All of the fans, including myself, were shocked - yet we continued to support the Lions. In 2000, despite losing Sanders and our head coach, we somehow managed to put together a 9-7 record (though we didn't make the playoffs).

That was the last time I saw the Lions with a winning record, or anything even close to a winning record.

2001 - 2-14, Going 0-12 to start the season.
2002 - 3-13
2003 - 5-11
2004 - 6-10
2005 - 5-11
2006 - 3-13

After countless top draft picks, poor front office moves, and little to no noticable desire from ownership to put a winning product on the field (or on the roads, as Ford Motor Company continues to go downhill), seats in our brand new stadium remain full of fans who are waiting for what they honestly believe might never happen.

Waiting for a winning team. Sellout after sellout, watching blowout after blowout, hoping that sometime, maybe by accident, the Lions would start winning.

It is 2007, my friends, and the Lions are 6-2 after 8 games. I'm not talking about playoffs, I'm not talking about the superbowl (god no - they've won 1 playoff game since the superbowl was created over 40 years ago). I'm talking about the fact that we are 2 wins away from a .500 season, 3 wins away from a WINNING season.

Steps have been made in the right direction. We're far from a great team, we're probably not even a good team, but we're FINALLY moving in the right direction. The key will be avoiding a complete collapse next season. CONSISTENT improvement is the key. Because, if anything, the Lions are certainly consistent.

If the Lions somehow make the playoffs this year, and make it to the superbowl and defeat the New England Patriots in a close game, I will never watch football again. Never. And with that, I leave you with the Lions fight song:

Forward down the field,
A charging team that will not yield,
And when the BLUE and SILVER wave,
Stand and cheer the brave:
RAH! RAH! RAH!
Go hard win the game!
With honor you will keep your fame!
Down the field and gain,
A Lions victory!

GOOOOOOOOOOOO LIONS!!!!!!!

(Roar)

Favorite Holiday; Movies

Tonight is my favorite holiday: Daylight Savings Time. It's not really a holiday; actually, it's not a holiday at all. But, to me, and every other lazy human being in parts of America that observe daylight savings, it is a holiday. That extra hour of sleep is always so sweet and so beautiful, it's like a stick of butter wrapped in bacon... or, like your favorite dessert, whatever that may be (mine is butter and bacon). Not only that, but tomorrow, I have to be at work at 10 AM. Yet, thanks to daylight savings time allowing us to return to standard time in the middle of the night tonight, I don't have to be at work until today's equivalent of 11 AM. So, thank the farming community for falling back - the only good part about the onset of winter. If you see a farmer today, thank him/her (don't know how to spot a farmer? look for someone wearing overalls, wearing a straw hat, and chewing on a piece of long grass - those are dead giveaways).

I saw American Gangster and Gone Baby Gone today in the Loews Cineplex 2-for-the-price-of-1 special. They wouldn't take my free movie pass because American Gangster was too new, so I made sure to pay for one movie and see 2. Because fuck them, that's why. American Gangster was alright - entertaining, I guess, and a bit over the top. Denzel Washington played the same damn character he plays in every single movie; the same character that won him an oscar for Training Day. It's a good character, I guess, but come on - seriously, it's the same goddamn role in every movie. Gone Baby Gone was good, but it was pretty depressing. The plot was a bit convoluted in its attempt to be edgy and shocking, but I'd say it was better than American Gangster. Another factor was length - AG was almost 3 hours, GBG was a more normal 2 hours. But, as I said, GBG was pretty heavy, and because of the questions of morality the film posed, I was forced to drink a beer and eat chicken fingers afterwards. Forced. Delicious chicken fingers though (thank you, Clery's).

That being said, I'm going to go enjoy my extra hour of sleep before working tomorrow. I suppose I'm still going strong on posting "every day". Good luck tomorrow to the Detroit Lions, who are taking on The Denver Broncos while I am at work. If they win, you'd better believe Monika will hear about it.

Happy Sunday, ya'll.

SHIT I FORGOT

Damnit I forgot to post today, so it's technically tomorrow. I have nothing to say, this is why promising to post every day for a month is ridiculous. Because now I'm posting about absolutely nothing. If I don't have something substantial to post about next time, I'm giving up on this stupid once-a-day-for-a-month thing. Seriously.

Congratulations to the Detroit Pistons on their first win of the season. And, I'm really upset about Zumaya having shoulder surgery and being on the DL until mid-season. But we'll talk about that later when I'm not weeping like a small child.

Halloween, Etc.

As Monika so aptly pointed out in the comments, I have not posted in almost a month. I suppose if I go a month without posting, I have all but given up on my blog entirely. As good as it sounds to just sweep it under the rug and get rid of it, I can't do that. I must continue. So, as Monika and Julie are doing, I will try to post every day this month. They're ACTUALLY doing it, but I'm just going to say I will try. We'll see how far I get - I'm not formally joining whatever group they joined that does it for the month of November, but I will try. At least I'll try to try.

Last night was amazing. I went with a great group of some of my best friends and favorite people in the world to see my favorite band in the world play a show that was best described as special. In over 10 years and hundreds of shows, The Disco Biscuits have only played their rock opera, "The Hot Air Balloon" in its entirety 8 times. Last night was one of those 8. So not only was I in a great place with great people in the city in which I live, but I saw a show that was really, really special.

Today I am exhausted, sore, and beat up from so much dancing, walking, running, standing, sitting, and generally just being awake. But, I feel pleasant and at ease. It's great. What an awesome halloween.

That being said, I am starting a detox for a little while here. I'm going to avoid alcohol, coffee (and other stimulants), and pot at all costs for hopefully about 2 weeks. We'll see how it goes. I will return to partying when I feel it is time.

That's all for today. I got cleared for graduation yesterday, so, barring any unforseen setbacks, I will be graduating in May. Excellent. Next stop: Washington, D.C. Time to find a job.

Wish me luck in my quest to post every day in November. I need to get in the habit and give people a reason to come here and read.

BOYCOTT SONY CORPORATION!!!!!

I know I said I'd be busy and not posting, but I got a response to my letter to Sony in the mail today.

Dear Mr. Fishman,

Blah blah blah, we're sorry, call this number and reference this code so we can speak about your letter on the telephone.

Sincerely,

National Customer Service Douchebag

Of course I called, just because I was curious what they would say. I shouldn't have been curious at all, because, well, it's a giant electronics corporation, and I'm one ex-customer who purchased a $50 pair of headphones.

I spoke to Debbie Kutz, who apologized profusely. I trashed their company, the store I shopped in, the management at the store, the sales associates, etc. She said, "I'm very sorry." This is what she offered as a solution:

I could mail my headphones along with the original sales receipt to some location in Austin, TX (or something like that), and they would send me a replacement pair. Debbie made it clear that the replacements would not necessarily be new - they would probably be "refurbished." But they would function, nonetheless.

Refurbished. Are you fucking kidding me?

I told her that this was useless and it wasn't even worth paying to ship them to Texas since I had already purchased a fine pair of headphones from another company. I threw away the original receipt anyway after the asshole at Sony Style told me there was nothing he could do for me. After I wrote the original letter, I threw the box and receipt away, and kept the headphones so I could use the cord to strangle the manager from Sony Style if I ever ran into him in public.

"Oh, you don't want to pay for the shipping?", says Debbie, "Well, we'll send you a pre-paid envelope. Just find your original receipt and call me back if that's what you'd like us to do, and we'll mail you a pre-paid envelope right away."

Awesome. Fucking awesome. I hate you so much, Debbie. I'm sure you're a great person, but because you're the messenger, not only am I going to shoot you, but I'm going to urinate on your carcass. I hope your customer service headset is loaded with asbestos so you die a slow, horrible death several years down the road. I hope your children fight over the settlement from your long and painful lawsuit, and during a meeting with the Sony executives and defense council, the Sony video monitor in the conference room catches on fire and everyone dies in a hellacious inferno. I hope that happens; I really do.

But it won't. Because the corporations always win. Always. It makes sense. When there are millions of pigeons just waiting to throw money at anything with the Sony name on it, why should the individual customer matter? That's just how business works. I thought some companies out there still cared for the consumer, but I'm going to venture a guess that none actually do.

So, now what? I got nothing; I have no next course of action. I didn't even get any closure.

If anyone has any suggestions for what to do next, other than have her mail me a pre-paid envelope so I can poop in it and mail it back to her, please let me know. I'm tired of feeling helpless when pitted against the corporate machine.

Damn the Man. Damn Him.


***UPDATE*** Since pooping in the pre-paid envelope might somehow get me arrested, I think what I'm going to do is hard boil an egg, draw a middle finger on it, and plug the headphones directly into the egg, and mail that to them. Any/all ideas are appreciated, thank you.

If Anyone Still Reads This...

Dear Loving and Adoring Fans,

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I've been busy.

Guess what! I'm probably going to be even more busy pretty soon here. Between working and catching up on the (so far) 1 month of schoolwork I have ignored this semester, I should not even be allowed to use the internet. However, if I was not allowed to use the internet, I would go completely insane, strangle my son and wife leaving bibles next to both of their bodies, and then hang myself with the cord on my lat pulldown machine.

No, that doesn't sound familiar.

Anyway, I've got some projects, papers, tests, presentations, etc. coming up, and I'm working more hours. So, basically, you won't see me on here for a little while. If you get starved for content, comment angrily and I might make an honorary post for you (but probably not). I never think of fun things to write about anymore, anyway.

See you soon (hopefully).

But probably not too soon.

Love,

Daniel

New Headphones

My new headphones came, 2 days after ordering them. Initial review: awesome. Initial status: fully erect.

I will SURELY let you know if they end up not being as cool as I believe them to be initially.

They came with a leather pouch, too, which is neat. I'll never use it, but I'll figure out something to do with it.

Mine look just like the ones pictured above, except I put the black ear pieces on them instead of clear.

V-Moda Vibe

Great bass response, maybe a little too much, though... and the treble is a touch low. Nothing a well-tuned equalizer can't solve, though. So, for the price ($71.99), these seem like awesome earbud headphones.

That's all for now. Go Lions!!!

Letter to Sony

I hate Sony. So I wrote them the following letter:

Daniel N. Fishman
[Address Censored for Privacy Retention Purposes - Nosy Bastards!]
Boston, MA 02115

September 19, 2007

Sony Electronics Inc.
12451 Gateway Blvd.
Fort Meyers, FL 33913

To Whom It May Concern:

I purchased a pair of Sony earbud headphones (MDR-EX71SLA) in January of this year. Four months later, 30 days after the manufacturer’s warranty had expired, the headphones stopped working (the right earbud no longer produced sound). I took the headphones into the Sony Style store in Copley Place Mall in Boston, Mass., where I had purchased them four months prior. The manager gave me a new pair without my receipt or the box in which they came, no additional questions asked. Great, I thought.
Four months later, 30 days after the new manufacturer’s warranty had expired on the new headphones, the right earbud stopped working in the exact same manner in which the previous pair had. I went back into the store, on September 18, 2007, and spoke to Nick Hiatt, manager on duty for the evening. The staff was not helpful in the least; I waited 15 minutes for Mr. Hiatt to hurriedly tell me that there was nothing he could do for me – even though I had purchased an obviously faulty product designed to break down just past the warranty deadline. Even with the receipt and the original packaging (which I was sure to keep the second time around) in which the headphones came, I was denied satisfaction.
Mr. Hiatt commented that I should have purchased the extended care program when I first purchased the product (insurance on a $50 pair of headphones!) Typically, these programs are a scam, designed to earn the manufacturer a lot of extra money while costing them very little in turn. Usually, the offer of a service plan means that the product is of high quality and the insurance is unnecessary (and thus profitable), or that it’s a faulty product and the insurance provides an endless line of inferior headphones to replace each broken pair – I trusted that coming from a familiar brand, supposedly known for its quality, that the extended service plan was merely a safety net for higher-end products of much greater value.
I figured there was no way the headphones would stop functioning so quickly outside the manufacturer’s warranty under normal use. I was wrong.
I will gladly pay more money for a more reliable brand that believes in a quality product and the utmost customer satisfaction. More often than not, however, those competing brands are even less expensive than Sony.
It is dishonest to operate as a company that relies on the ignorance of the consumer to spend money on a Sony product that is inferior, just because of name recognition.
I assumed Sony to be a company worthy of trust, and blindly (see: ignorantly) went to the Sony store looking for a moderately-priced, quality product without any prior research.
I refuse to make the same mistake of being an uninformed consumer again. After reading several reviews from magazines, websites, and consumers, I made an informed purchase from a competing brand that makes similar products of a much higher quality. Not on a single one of those reviews did I see a Sony product rated in the top 5, or even top 10.
I see which direction the Sony Corporation has gone in, and it disappoints me greatly. The basis of running a business is to respect the customer; it is nice to see that Sony has left the consumer behind in the name of cost cutting. Congratulations!
I will never purchase a Sony product again – not for myself; not for my business; not for my friends, family, or even my enemies (as punishment). Never.
Good luck in years to come – your business will surely continue to thrive with its ever-dissolving customer base.

Sincerely,



Daniel N. Fishman

Infected Mushroom

No, Infected Mushroom is not an STD. They're a band. From Israel. Crazy, angry, Jew techno. Incredible.

Friday night, I went to axis right after work, planning to see Infected Mushroom.

Sold out.

My friend Nicole, working inside, said they would be releasing about 200 tickets at 10 PM, so we stayed in line. We were maybe 15-20 people back from the front of the line, so we figured we were safe. No worries. 10 PM rolled around, still "sold out". Apparently, they thought fewer people on the guest list/will call would actually show up.

So, we waited.

And waited...

At 11:45, we left. We decided to just give up and go home; we missed the concert, oh well. Next time, buy tickets in advance (though it wasn't really that easy, because I was PISSED).

5 minutes after we left, Nicole text messaged me saying they were FINALLY selling tickets. The price was now $30 (up from $15) and going up every few minutes. We rushed back, got in line, and were told to wait. They requested the miniature, purple tickets they had given us to hold our place in line -- we had thrown them out when we left out of frustration (plus, we figured they were useless, and they had only given them to us to get us to vacate the front of the building).

After pleading with the bouncer, who remembered us from earlier in the evening, Barone, Steve and myself got let in. We were the last 3 people allowed into the bulding. We walked up to the ticket window, and who was there? Nicole. She gave us free tickets.

We were finally inside, a bit disoriented, loud house music playing on the PA; we made our way near the stage. We had arrived just in time to see Infected Mushroom take the stage for their first song (drummer, keyboard/synth guy, metal guitarist who looked like Slash from GNR, and bald-headed, crazy, lead singer who looked like Shrek (only white, not green)).

Not only did we get in for free, but we missed NOTHING (except opening local DJs). IM played from 12:15 until 2:00 AM, assaulting my eardrums with angry Jew trance. What was going on in the crowd, I cannot even describe. I wish my pictures turned out alright, but, alas, they are garbage.

I danced my face off, completely sober, and sweat through everything I was wearing (though it was so hot and we were packed in so tight, it was probably sweat from not only myself but every other attendee surrounding me).

Here's the song they opened the night with (though live it's way more intense [the lyrics are ridiculous]):



When the show got out, my ears were ringing. They were still ringing Saturday at work. I didn't regain my hearing until Sunday afternoon. For awhile, I was legitimately frightened that I had permanently lost my hearing. It was quite scary.

Speaking of Sunday, the Lions won. 1-0. Undefeated. Keep it up.

Tonight was Old Man Rusteika's 21st birthday (and Lucy's 20th birthday). Tim was HAMMERED drunk (and so was Lucy [good luck to her at work tomorrow morning]). That pretty much wraps things up.

I'm drunk.

Until next time, farewell.

Cedar Point Pics

A view of the park on the way in. At this point, I'm shaking with excitement like a small child awaiting the arrival of Santa Claus. Except Cedar Point is real, and fucking Santa Claus isn't. Stupid kid. I'm way cooler than you.


Ride #1. It swung back and forth like a pendulum, while the end of it spun in circles. I vomited 11 times before, during and after this ride. I don't remember what it was called, but the name was super hanky, as can be expected.


Ahhh, yes, the Mantis. We were walking by it and the wait was approximately 10 minutes, so we had to ride it. You stand up during the ride and it puts a ton of pressure on your knees and balls. It really hurts, and I regret riding it every time. I can't wait to ride it again next time I go, so I can regret it.


The giant first hill of the Millenium Force. Possibly the best roller coaster ever. It's like the Jr. Gemini or the Blue Streak, except exactly the opposite. Fun.


The Mean Streak. It's called the mean streak because it's the most painful rollercoaster ever designed. It is or was the largest/fastest wooden roller coaster in America (the world?), and I sustained permanent kidney damage from riding it. There was literally no line, though, so how can I turn it down? A little bit of internal bleeding is worth it. Honestly, it feels like each kidney has a separate jackhammer going to town on it, for about 3 minutes.


This ride is seriously sweet. The "Top Thrill Dragster" (their marketing team is really genius). It launches you from a complete stop to 120 mph in about 2 or 3 seconds, then you go up that hill, and back down at probably 90 mph. It lasts 30 seconds and is the best 30 seconds ever. If you ever go to Cedar Point and don't ride this, you are an idiot.


This is the launching area for the dragster. I don't know why I took a picture of it, and now you have to look at it. Enjoy.


The Raptor. The last ride we went on, it made us all incredibly dizzy and might have given Colin a concussion. We rode more rides than those pictured here, but it was a long day of extreme heat, and a great deal of sweating that resulted in a high degree of lethargy.


Notice said lethargy. I think I might have caught Dan picking his nose. That's awesome.


Pizza buffet. Dan decided to get peach slices with his pizza and salad. He did wash his hands after picking his nose, by the way. He's classy like that.


Look at how beautiful Dan's plate is. Very colorful, well-balanced, and an excellent presentation. Canned peaches have never looked so good. That's chicken, bacon and ranch pizza, too, if you're keeping score at home. Delicious.


Believe it or not, those are all the pictures I took at Cedar Point (and the pizza buffet). I didn't even take pictures of other stuff at home. I need to get better about that so you can share in my fun.

Have a nice day folks, and Happy Labor Day.

Wave Goodbye to the Mitten

The last 10 days have been maybe the most successful trip home since I moved to Boston in 2004. I saw (almost) everyone I wanted to see, spent quality family time with both mom and dad, made it to both East Lansing (Mich. State) and Ann Arbor (U of Mich.), saw the Lions, the Tigers, went to Cedar Point, got some rest, ate way too much, and didn't exercise enough.

Every time I leave home after a visit, I experience overwhelming guilt. Mom gets very sad when I leave, and it makes me feel awful. Dad gets sad, too, and Paula always cries (she's a crier). Most of the guilt is associated with the feeling that I'm abandoning my family - some of it is associated with the amount of unhealthy eating I've done without any exercise to counterbalance it (see: leading cause of obesity). After every visit, I feel terrible until life returns to normal (after about 2 days). I don't know if this guilty feeling is called for, but it happens - without fail - every time I come back to Michigan. In a way, I think it's my inability to forget where I'm from and who matters most. This is a good thing.

Even if I say, "Soda", I will always drink pop.
No matter where I end up, Michigan will always be home.
Until Christmas time, I bid you adieu, O' Wolverine State.
Farewell.

Cedar Point

I went to Cedar Point today with Dan Latham and Colin, two of my closest chums. It was a great time, and ended with a visit to an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet, as all great days should end. I will post more details about it when I return to Boston and can load my pictures, because it's not as fun without the pictures.

All you need to know is: we rode all rides worth riding; the Mean Streak may have given me permanent kidney/shoulder damage (love those old wooden coasters); the new ride, "Maverick," though its name is fairly questionable and hanky, was incredibly fun; it was 104 degrees when we left the park; I sweat a lot today.

Sunburn status: mild.

Victory.

Also, I managed to spend $0 inside the park. Take your $5 hot dogs and $3 bottles of Aquafina (urine) and... sell them to some other pigeon with a wad of cash. Fishbowl - 1; Cedar Point - 0. Oh wait, the ticket was $35. Fishbowl - 1; Cedar Point - 1. A tie is better than a defeat, I suppose.

Considering I followed it up with a dozen slices of pizza and some dessert, it was a pretty joyous day. Like I said, I'll post pictures in a few days. Goodnight.

Bisco Fall Tour

Get your tickets, kidz, the fall tour has been announced. Which shows will I go to? Only time (and money) will tell!

The Disco Biscuits Fall Tour

Lots of great music coming to Boston soon.. STS9 and Lotus at the end of September, Biscuits Halloween AGAIN, etc. So excited.

Where do I begin?

I haven't posted in awhile (seriously?) To be honest, I forgot I still had a blog.

I'm writing this from home, good ole Michigan, because after emptying the dishwasher today, I am out of things to do. Not a whole lot going on here in MI. I'm headed up to Michigan State this evening to partake in their Welcome Week festivities (i.e. drinking more than anyone ever should). Rosso is having a party this evening which promises to be quite rowdy and full of Camp Bisco memories.

Ahh, yes, Camp Bisco VI. Once again, where do I begin? 4 months of anticiptation leading up to the weekend of great music (bands that rock, bands that go untz, and the majority which do both). Not to mention great company (South Jersey crew, North Jersey crew, East Lansing crew, TCNJ crew), far too many laughs and wonderful anecdotes to share. Combined with a weekend of unparalleled intoxication, it was everything I could have hoped for. Even though the weather was terrible (cold/windy/rainy one night, even colder but not windy or wet the next night), we powered through and enjoyed ourselves.

The first day's music started at about 6 PM. When we set up camp at noon, we started drinking so that we'd be in great shape by 6. Naturally, during that time, we stumbled upon some other party favors to get us through the night/weekend. Delicious. That night was a lot of fun, Umphrey's played a good set including a new song of theirs, Wizard Burial Ground, which was top notch. The biscuits played a short set just to get things started, and the most interesting act of that evening was DEFINITELY Infected Mushroom. I watched from the campsite, which was such a good location that you could fully enjoy a show from it. Infected Mushroom was INSANE. Angry, thrashed-out, dark trance. It was the closest thing to a rave I have ever witnessed, and it was awesome. We were "assaulted by Jew-techno" for about 90 minutes (IM is from Israel, and they made sure to flash the star of David on the lightboard to the beat of the music - untz untz untz). I'll be seeing them in Boston on September 7th as well, can't wait.

Friday and Saturday were a blur; the proximity of our campsite to the music was just amazing. Being able to come back and recharge/rest between every set was one aspect that made this the best festival I've been to. Bonnaroo last year was awesome, but I think Camp this year trumped it. Some of the highlights were: a surprise biscuits afternoon set on Friday, because one of the band-members for that time slot was caught in traffic (Simon Posford). I really enjoyed the Indobox, a band my friend Tim promotes in Boston. They've come a long way, and I'm sure Tim is happy to not be promoting a band that sucks. I heard some great things about a couple of acts I missed in the afternoon (in the name of drinking), and then STS9's PA set, Hallucinogen in Dub and the Biscuits (with Shpongle at set-break).

During the Biscuits' first set Friday, there was a sudden white squall with gale-force winds that ripped banners off the stage and destroyed several campsites and tents. Somehow ours was left standing. Dunn had the quote of the evening when this storm was in full force and we were standing at 4 corners of our shade-shelter, holding it in place, "Maybe God really does frown upon festivals like this." Maybe, Dunn. Anyway, we survived the storm, enjoyed a 2nd set, and by that point I was so cold and wet, I couldn't do it. I went back to my car because the tent was wet, to find Rosso and Kyle sitting in the front seat sharing a sleeping bag, shivering. I crawled into the back seat and slept in such an awkward position that I think I did permanent damage to my spinal cord. However, it turns out I didn't miss much in terms of latenight action that evening.. with the exception of Future Rock from 3-4 AM, which I sort of hate myself for missing.

Saturday.. Oh, Saturday. Saturday was a little chilly in the morning, but we fixed that by polishing off a bag of Sangria in about 15 minutes. Followed by some of the worst mixed drinks I've ever had involving Popov, Rite-Aid brand pineapple soda, and red bull. Gross. Music was good Saturday, STS9 had a great set, and I made it through the latenight acts only to fall asleep in my car at about 5 AM. Psylab was very cool, it just sucks that the curfew disabled them from having the music too loud after 2 AM. If you're trying to stay up dancing until 4 AM, the music needs to be loud.

The next morning, we woke up, took down camp, said our goodbyes, I shed a few man-tears, and Kyle and I hit the road back to Boston. I did laundry immediately upon getting back, and then fell asleep fully clothed at 7 PM and slept for 15 hours. I hope Camp VII is back at the same place next year, because I definitely have to go again.

With that, I must now prepare myself to go to East Lansing. Tonight is going to be ridiculous. Just pray that I call you, whoever you are, because I'm sure I'll have lots of fun things to say. I doubt drunk-dialing will happen tonight, though, it's not a habit of mine.

Look for me tomorrow night at the Tigers v. Yankees game, I'll be right behind home plate, broadcasting my ginger hair all across America.

Until next time, folks, keep it real.

It Is Now Time...

Camp is finally here. As Monika calls it, "Camp Biscuit". Sorry I haven't posted in awhile, the next week or so will be pretty barren too. However, this upcoming weekend has the potential to be the best 4 days of my entire summer, or even year. Let's see what happens. We'll talk when I get back.

Tag!

Julie tagged me to participate in this little game. I was instructed to go to Wikipedia and type in my birthdate. I then have to choose 3 events, two birthdays, and one holiday of the ones provided and list them. Well, easy enough, here goes:

September 5:

Events:

1698 - Tsar Peter I of Russia imposes a tax on beards (100 Rubles per year - wow!). Apparently this was an attempt to modernize his people by moving them away from beards. I'll tell you something, though: Fuck you, Tsar Peter I. You and your stupid rules. Some of the best people ever have had beards. Grizzly Adams , Bill Wennington (how many NBA Championship rings do you have, Peter? That's right, none, you jerk), and these fine gentlemen . And don't even get me started on mustaches. I'll just hope those weren't taxed, because that's just not cool. Incidentally, priests and peasants were exempt from the tax. Thanks, Tsar. Fascist.

1839 - The First Opium War begins in China. Mmmmm... delicious opium and all of your delicious biproducts... heroin, morphine, oxycodon, the list goes on. Without you, countless people might have bright futures (though probably not), but they are now dead or cripplingly addicted to drugs. They'd probably just drink instead, though, let's be honest.

I wanted my third event to be:
1774 - First Continental Congress assembles in Philadelphia, PA, but I figured this was a more accurate representation of what our country was founded upon:

1877 - Oglala Sioux chief Crazy Horse is bayoneted by a United States soldier after resisting confinement in a guardhouse at Fort Robinson in Nebraska. Yeah, take that, Indian guy! He must have tried resisting arrest, or maybe they found a peace pipe on him. Either way, I'm sure the soldier was justified in stabbing him to death when he didn't want to be locked in a guardhouse for an indefinite amount of time. I would have just given him a pillow infected with typhoid fever, but maybe being discrete is a waste of time anyway.

Birthdays:

1946 - Freddie Mercury. Thank you for writing Bohemian Rhapsody. You're the man, Freddie. And, apparently, you were born in Zanzibar. Nicely done.

1940 - Raquel Welch. Because I don't move my arms when I dance either, and I respect that.

Holiday: (slim pickin's here)

As much as I wanted to select Teacher's Day in India, I had to choose:
RC Saints - Saint Lorenzo Giustiniani; the feast day of Teresa of Calcutta***, currently pending sainthood.
This is only because it is a day of feasting. I love feasts. And I will certainly have a feast every year on my birthday, of food and alcohol.

***Let me also mention that Mother Teresa died on my birthday in 1997. I'm not sure what that means, it either means I am the anti-christ, or her soul entered my body for me to continue spreading love and Jesus across the world. It has to be one or the other.

Ooook, that wraps this one up. I'm supposed to tag five people to do this. I can't tag anyone because I don't know anyone that blogs, but feel free to respond in the comments! I will tag Matt (in the comments), Adam (in the comments), Kirk (if you ever read this), Markles the Bear (see: Kirk's note), and of course Sarah Smallwood (if you feel like it). I expect only one response, and it will be Matt. Because he's a team player. Let's see what happens. And Julie stole all of my people that I know WOULD respond. If I didn't tag you and you want to participate in the comments, please do.

Have a nice day, folks.

P.S. The Bourne Ultimatum was incredible. See it. (And take me with you.)

Untitled (Except, now it has a title, the title is just "Untitled")

It's been awhile since I've written anything here. I've been rather busy, and also rather uninspired. Much of what I've been doing lately does not translate to blog too well.

I just got back from a sailing trip to Nantucket which was fantastic. Kyle and I got "creased" with his father and uncle, we went to the beach for a little bit, did some sightseeing, a good amount of sailing, eating, and, did I mention drinking? We found Keystone at a local liquor store before we left... not Keystone Light (blue can) or Keystone Ice (black can) but Keystone (red can). I had heard of such a beer, but had never seen nor tasted it. Kyle's dad made fun of us on and off for the entire trip because we bought Keystone. In other news, it was terrible.

I got sunburned, again. This seems to be a trend in my life. Today, my ears are peeling and my face a little bit, as well as my back. I look like a leper. "I'm over it."

I've been dog-sitting since I got back from Nantucket. Julie's dog, Bailey. She's very sweet but tends to whine when I don't give her my undivided attention. And she would have my undivided attention if I didn't decide to try Anna's Taqueria.

I've heard good things about Anna's from people I trust and respect, I've just never made the effort to come out this way and try it. Well, Julie lives about 10 minutes' walk from Anna's, so I figured I'd be stupid not to try it. I went last night for dinner, and I got a chicken burrito. It was good, but I didn't feel like it was special, seeing as how I am spoiled when it comes to Mexican food. Barone, who I trust when it comes to food more than just about anyone else, told me I needed to try the chili verde burrito (he told me this 10 minutes after I ate the chicken burrito last night). So what did I do?

No, I didn't go back immediately. I got a chili verde burrito on the way home from work today, and devoured it immediately upon entering the apartment. Let me tell you, folks, this burrito was heaven in my mouth. It's what dreams are made of. It was both hot and very flavorful, and the only thing that would have completed it would have been a glass of horchata (damn me for not getting it). Either way, the burrito was dime. So good.

My heart will be thanking me for not living out here in the Allston/Brookline area, for I would dine there far too frequently, and would become morbidly obese in a matter of days. Anna's was not as good as some of the Mexican I've had elsewhere, but it was much better than what I've had here in Boston. Next, I have to try El Pelon, which I have heard is superior to Anna's. We shall see.

Tim & Julie's apartment also has the MLB Season Pass on TV, so I've been able to watch a lot of baseball, and, more importantly, some Tigers Baseball. Except, the Tigers have lost 5 in a row, and are playing like they're competing for the bronze medal in the special olympics. All of this talk about what's going to happen in the post-season made me forget: we have to make it to the postseason first. Step it up, enough of this "losing streak" BS. And somebody inject Sheffield with some steroids, please.

I'm going to see the Bourne Ultimatum very soon (hopefully tonight, probably tomorrow). I can't wait. I will hopefully report on that soon.

Other than that - work is work, I'm still poor despite making more money and working more hours, and I'm doing everything I can to spend 0 before the trip to New York and home. 10 days until that vacation begins, and then back to school.

More to come soon, I hope.

A Free Hair Cut Beats Paying $20 to Look Like an Idiot Any Day

Today, I finally cut my hair. I've been talking about it for awhile, but I tend to get attached to my hair when it grows long, and I don't want to cut it all off. But there always comes a point when I look like such a doofus that I couldn't look much worse by getting it cut. Some people like my hair short, some like it long, and some think I look like a goof no matter what because I have red hair (ahem).

So anyway, my hair was getting long, and it was either a) let it get really long and go to camp in 3 weeks with a greasy mullet, b) cut it NOW and stop talking about it.

The following is photo documentation of my decision.

Thanks for another great haircut, Matt. I owe you some cream soda.



I was having fun in my suit made of torn garbage bags. I'm not sure if that was water on my shirt or sweat, because it was really hot in that apartment and I was covered in plastic. I think it was water, though (I hope).



Matt was really excited to be cutting my hair.



Almost there. It was time to focus and get the job done. We've got bigger fish to fry.



The finished product. Jonathan has a nice camera, so you can see that I am, in fact, sweating. Also, I am a 9 out of 10 on the penis scale (whenever a guy gets his hair cut, looking like a penis for a few days is inevitable). It's a pretty standard hair cut, and I think it will grow in nicely. Excellent work, Matt. I know if I paid money it would have looked much worse and I would feel like an idiot for spending at least $20. Win-win.

Saturday Night Snack Draft

Last night was the first ever Snack Draft.

When the clock struck 3:00 AM on Sunday morning, July 22, 2007, it began.

Let's rewind for a moment here, and fill in the background.

This weekend, my friend Megan was visiting Boston. Megan and I went to high school together, she goes to Michigan State now, but she's doing an internship in Connecticut until December. She came up for the Red Sox game Friday night, and then hung out Friday & Saturday, and went back to CT just a short while ago.

Megan's internship is with Pepperidge Farm .

She works as a packaging engineer (to quote her, "I design shit that stuff comes in"). In her building is a giant pantry stocked with all Pepperidge Farm products, to which the employees are encouraged to help themselves. Cookies, crackers, pretzels, gold fish, etc. Oh yeah, also, Godiva chocolate.

Megan showed up with five (5) grocery bags full of snacks. Five. One of (almost) every snacking product they make, and even some stuff that hasn't hit the shelves yet. I set all of the snacks on the kitchen table, and took a picture.

Enter: Snack Draft. (Well, we're getting there)

Kyle came down last night from UNH to hang out with Megan and I. When he got here, we were out to dinner. We got back shortly after he arrived to find him in his car, parked on the street, pounding a 24-ounce can of Miller Light and eating a bag of fritos. Meet Kyle.

We parked Kyle's car, came back to my apartment, and exchanged pleasantries over some alcoholic beverages. Delicious.

When I showed Kyle the bevy of snacking consumables on the kitchen table, I realized something: I was going to have to share. Megan brought the snacks for Kyle, too. I think there were enough snacks to share; however, we needed a fair way to distribute the snacks between the two of us. We decided to hold a draft. When we got back from the bar, no matter what state we were in, we were going to flip a coin for first pick, and then draft a Snack Team, one package at a time. We appointed Megan the commissioner of the league (due to her vast knowledge of Pepperidge Farm products), and chose a few snacks that would not be part of the draft (we needed something to eat when we got back). With that behind us, we were free to drink our beers and go to the bar (to drink more beers).

What happened at the bar is a story in and of itself. We went to Daisy Buchanan's, which is pretty crappy, but it didn't matter where we were going because fun was in the cards. I haven't been there since turning 21. It's fairly close, convenient to meet people, and some underage friends were there (they'll let pretty much anyone in). We ran into several friends of mine, had a couple others meet us, and what ensued was a great deal of drunken foolishness and shameless dancing. I got about 3 minutes of dance solo footage on my phone of Matt Meehan - if I knew how to post a video (or could), I would do it. It was downright hilarious, and something that you should hate yourself for missing. There might also be photographs and/or video floating around of Barone and I doing some sort of improvisational choreographed dance that can and will prevent me from ever being elected to public office.

Fast forward to 2:45 AM.

After PUNISHING my bladder on the 20-minute walk home (not sure why I didn't urinate in public... Considering I have no shame), we sat around the kitchen table, scouting the snacks for the draft. When the clock struck 3, Megan flipped the coin, and Kyle won the first pick.

With the first pick of the 2007 NOA (National Obesity Association) Snack Draft, Kyle Bruen selects: Black & White Milano Cookies. A strong pick, all-around great snack, no surprises.

Since Megan spilled the beans about the Blazin' Buffalo gold fish and how good they are, I had to take them with my first pick, because I couldn't risk NOT getting them. I needed those Blazin' Buffalo gold fish on my team. I traded my 2nd and 4th round picks for these amaretto chocolate cookie sandwiches that you can't buy in stores yet, giving Kyle a great amount of depth on his team but landing me with a strong core of cookies and crackers, and a formidable front line.

The draft went over really well. The whole thing took about 9 minutes. Megan was falling asleep at the table, so she went to bed, while Kyle and I finsihed the remaining beers in the fridge and analyzed one another's strengths and weaknesses after the draft. At 4:30 in the morning, the beer was gone, and we went to bed.

Here is my team:

**Blazin' Buffalo Flavor-Blasted Gold Fish
* Original Gold Fish
Pretzel Gold Fish
Pizza Gold Fish
Double-Chocolate Milano Cookies
**Chocolate Amaretto Cookie Sandwiches (they're called Rialtos)
Chocolate Chunk Soft-Baked Cookies
Package of roughly 25-30 assorted fancy cookies
**Cappucino Pirouettes
Diabetes
Obesity
Heart Disease

** All-Star nominees
* Team Captain

Also, Kyle forgot about the Godiva chocolate, so I have 5 or 6 packages of that as well. My team looks very strong, and I'm proud to be the coach and general manager.

Great weekend.

I need to exercise.

If I can ever get the pictures off my phone, or even if I can't, I will post soon about my dinner at Pasta Fair and the destruction of my cell phone that occurred last weekend.

Random Notes

DISCLAIMER: WARNING - THIS POST IS INSENSITIVE AND SOME MIGHT CONSIDER "HORRIBLE". IT'S YOUR FAULT IF YOU CHOOSE TO READ IT. NOT MINE.

Hello Friends. Sorry about that; just, you know, some administrative housekeeping.

1 - Kickball. Next week, playoffs begin. Two nights ago was a firm victory in kickball. We played against a competitive team, the Ash Gray team. We played strong team defense (with the exception of some mistakes in the outfield [but it's difficult to play out there]), we kicked the ball intelligently, and ran the bases well. And, to top it all off, the other team had at least three of THESE . Nothing is better than defeating a team full of douches. One of these team members, in a moment of clarity, said to our shortstop, "Hey Man, sorry about our pitcher, he's kind of an asshole." Indeed he was, my friend; Indeed he was. You know when you show up to a game against a guy wearing jeans, you're in for a treat. This guy ranked at about a 9.5 out of the I'm-A-Monstrous-Asshole scale. I would recommend that he Benoit his family... which leads me to my next note.

2 - "Benoit your family." or "Benoit yourself." These are now the new things to say to people when you're angry at them. When our Sales Manager, Matt Wolf, went on vacation 2 weeks ago, it was too soon to say these things as a joke (a sick joke, yes). Apparently since he's returned, the gestation period of jokability has been completed. Today I was told to "Benoit my family" at least 10 times. I laughed all 10. I know, I'm pretty twisted, but sometimes it's funny to say things that are just so uncalled for, so inappropriate, so over the line, so ridiculous. And if you can't see ANY humor in that, well, then you should probably... You know.

3 - Pasta Fair.. This weekend, I finally get to go to Pasta Fair with Matt Skolnick and his family. Matt went to Pasta Fair for about 12-15 years on his birthday, every year. Not because the food is good, oh no. But because Pasta Fair gives you a free birthday cake. Or so he thought. The last time he went there, he looked at the bill, and the cake wasn't free. All these years, he thought he was going there because, hey, what's better than free cake? (The answer is: Nothing.) Turns out, the food is pretty mediocre, but because of the nostalgia and the story that goes along with it - it's wonderful. And I'm pretty excited to have some Italian food that has been described as, "One or two steps above Olive Garden." Because, Olive Garden, shitty or not, is still delicious in my book (a book that is growing quite full). "So, you know, Pasta Fair."

4 - Golf. Today, I went to the driving range. I got out of work at 7:00, and said to myself, "Maybe I won't go to the bar tonight. Maybe I'll go to the driving range on a nice, quiet Thursday, and really take my time hitting some golf balls. Maybe I can straighten out my swing." I went to the driving range. I didn't drink. Good for me. Only problem is, what I assumed would be a quiet Thursday night at the range was full of 16 year olds being idiots and talking about whose parents were going to be out of town this weekend. But I was fine with that, because I was once that 16 year old. What does suck, however, is this: I sprayed the ball all over the range like a lawn sprinkler. Fucking terrible! I really need to quit golf... I'm just not good. I started to get into a rhythm and was blasting some great shots (and impressing the 16 year old girls... Who might have been 15, which is why I didn't try to capitalize [kidding]). My friend Trey called me, and I talked for about 15 minutes and lost all rhythm. Back to playing like I was using a misshapen tree branch instead of a golf club. Oh well, maybe one of these days I'll improve drastically and won't have to keep battling with quitting (because I'll never ACTUALLY quit). Here's hoping.

5 - Centipedes. I just saw a centipede in my apartment, and I may or may not have screamed like an 8 year old child in a haunted house. I'm so glad Sarah isn't around when I do things like this - that'd be embarrassing. (Hi, Sarah.) It ran under my bed. Centipedes are the one thing that really make my skin crawl. What the fuck do they need so many legs for? Why do they need to live in our apartment? Get a job, centipede. Christ. Seriously... if I had that many legs I'd probably Benoit my family (because it'd be my family's fault that I had so many legs), and then myself.

I promise I will do everything I can to never mention Chris Benoit (or at least not his family) in my blog again. I'm sorry. Fucking Canadian.

I want a slice of pizza.

Das Wochenende

Whenever I blog with a specific direction in mind, the posts tend to turn out well. This post does not have a lot of direction, I had intended to post about my weekend (another good'n), but the longer I wait the less likely it is I will actually post about it. I just downloaded a song I wanted to listen to in its entirety before bed, so I figured, why not put something together on the blog in the ~20 minutes I've got. It's just somewhat ironical and rather funny that the chorus of the song I'm listening to is "Why 'you always talk about your life?" Anywho...

Friday I woke up with a cold. I worked. Saturday I felt worse. I worked. Sunday I had free, but I was feeling crappy again.

That did NOT stop me from a) drinking a lot, b) sleeping very little, c) spending too much money, d) having a lot of fun.

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH! My roommate finally turned 21 (though she's been drinking at bars for about 10 years now), and a very large and promisingly eclectic group of people showed up to celebrate. Both Saturday night at Tia's on the waterfront, and Sunday morning for brunch & booze at the Rattlesnake. I'm pretty sure Sarah drank 47 vodka&sodas Saturday night, and sure enough, we ended up at Cafe Pompei at 3 AM, 20 people deep.

Cafe Pompei has great pizza, or so I'm told, as I've never eaten there sober, and I could sprinkle cheese on shoe leather and think it was delicious (while drunk). We were looking rough at this point in the evening, which is probably why they stuck us in the basement, alone (for awhile, and then more trainwrecked strangers were banished to the cellar as well). I didn't know this place had a basement. I think they only use it for special occasions such as this.

The pizza was delicious. I woke up without skin on the roof of my mouth, and all others present suffered from the same condition. Apparently, the pizza was hot. Go figure.

After some coffee, about 8 glasses of water, and a shower, it was off to the Rattlesnake at 11 AM. At 11:35 AM, I was drinking the spiciest bloody mary I've ever had in my life. It was delicious. Instant heartburn. I love heartburn. While everyone else continued pounding drinks into the afternoon, I was forced by responsibility to slow my pace because I had to drive to New Hampshire at 4 for a concert in Hampton.

Kyle informed me that he had a refrigerator full of "Natural" (Ice and Light - a grab bag!) waiting for me (but really he's just being nice because there is always at least 100 beers in that refrigerator. And, Kyle spares no expense when it comes to getting drunk.)

I arrived at 5:30 and the speed drinking commenced as we had to be to the show by 8. We got there at 8:30 (Myself, Kyle, and two of his roommates TJ and Kelley), just in time for the first song. More boozing, a lot of good music (the band we saw was moe. for those of you who care or don't know already), a fair amount of ridiculous dancing, stumbling, etc. The show was a little hazy, but most shows are, and it was GREAT. I needed it, too, because I hadn't seen a show since the beginning of June and I was due. We ate numerous cheeseburgers after the show, and then went back to Kyle's house at UNH, melted an army man in the oven, funneled a couple of beers, and watched Terminator 2. I passed out on the couch about 30 minutes into the movie, beer in hand.

I hope I stop doing things like this when I graduate from college.

Monday morning, I ate the best breakfast sandwich ever (The "JB" from Franz's - the real reason I go to UNH to visit Kyle), drove back to Boston and worked all afternoon and evening. That pretty much brings us up to speed, and really, there's so much more to say about every aspect of my weekend, but I want to go to bed. And my post lost steam about halfway through for that very reason.

Enjoy.

PS This post is not being edited because I'm tired. If you can't handle errors, then I have mean things to say to you (but I will spare the nice folks from reading it).

(37 days 'til Camp.)

Dunkin Donuts

Someone at work recently told me that the option to get flavoring in your Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee is a good idea, and something I should try. I thought, you know, that must be true, a little bit of sugary delicious flavoring can't be a bad thing, it would only make it better.

True or False: The "flavor shot" makes Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee better.

Answer: FALSE.

Dunkin Donuts flavoring is perhaps the most vile chemical sweetener I have ever experienced - and believe me, I've consumed a lot of chemically sweetened foods/beverages in my day (mmmmm...)

I got one less spoonful of sugar in the coffee figuring the "French Vanilla" flavoring would make up for it.

It tasted like someone put acetone in my coffee. I'm not kidding.

If you don't know me (which you mostly do), I will consume ALMOST anything, no matter how gross it is, if I paid for it. Because a) I hate wasting food, and b) I hate wasting food that I spent money on. If it seems like a good idea, and tasty enough to pay for, then I will bare with my decision and devour whatever it is that I purchased. Usually very quickly (see: devour). It's like tearing off a bandaid. The only time I refuse to finish something is if it is so foul that it will more than likely make me vomit.

I stopped drinking that iced coffee about 70% of the way through. I just couldn't do it. (Goodbye $0.68; Goodbye pride; Goodbye dignity).

I don't understand how that French Vanilla flavoring was so bad! Is it because we here in America hate French people, and want to give them a bad name by making a flavor called "French Vanilla" and then making it taste like vanilla extract mixed with windex? I think that might be the reason.

So, instead of being angry at Dunkin Donuts, around the time of the 4th of July -the day marking our Great Nation's independence from those limey bastards across the Atlantic - I am proud of DD. Proud of Dunkin Donuts for being a patriotic company, based in America (with approximately zero American employees nationwide..) that really wants to stick it to those other, lesser, countries. I don't even need to try Dutch Mocha, English Toffee, or Japanese Eel flavoring now - I can rest assured knowing those are terrible too.

Because Dunkin Donuts loves America.

And I do, too.

(Until next time.)

P.S. 41 Days 'til Camp

Weekend - Work - "Camp" - etc.

Well, it's certainly been awhile yet again. So, I've got some catching up to do. This very well could end up being long, and you know what? You can kiss my ass. But only after you read the post.

This weekend was a great weekend.

Friday I worked all day, went to the gym, watched 40 Year Old Virgin, went to bed. Solid day.

Saturday, however, was fantastic. I got to sleep in (NICE), I worked (which = money which is NICE), and then I drank beer (NICE), went to a toga party (You get the idea) and got to play "spin the bottle" at 3:30 AM like I was 12 years old again. Nice. This was a great birthday party for my friend Monika. Unfortunately, a few things went wrong, some people were mean, and it could have been better for her, but I think everyone had a pretty great time, all things considered. I drank keg beer out of a bejeweled chalice for the better part of the evening, and I consumed numerous jello shots (and I don't like jello shots). Needless to say, I was poo poo'd.

One of the best parts: my friend Matt just broke up with his girlfriend of 7 years, so he was able to come to a toga party without having to lie and look over his shoulder the whole time. The Summer of Matt begins!

I woke up Sunday with a really bad hangover, and spent the entire day doing laundry and falling in and out of sleep on the couch. That is, of course, after I ate enough brunch to feed a large family at The Pour House. Having days off is great.

-----

I am looking forward to the next half of the summer that will be spent working at Lacoste 4-5 days a week with several days off to a) sleep, b) golf, c) work out, d) do nothing, e) dream about golfing while sleeping on the couch, f) eat macaroni and cheese and do nothing, g) you get the point. (Which one of the above does not fit with the rest?)

So far so good at Lacoste. The people aren't as fun as Gap, and a few of them are pretty hard to handle, but it's a job and I have a job in order to make money, and I make more of it there than I did at Gap. And I am able to stay pretty busy there thus far. Therefore: Lacoste 1, Gap 0.

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The countdown to Camp Bisco VI begins now! Well, I've been counting down for awhile, considering I bought my ticket back in April, but the OFFICIAL Dan Fishman Countdown to Camp Bisco VI begins now. There are 44 days until the pre-party in Brooklyn. This may be the best long weekend of my entire summer - there's a good chance two of my best friends Kyle and Dan (who accompanied me at Bonnaroo in 2005 and 2006) will also be coming. And, since we didn't make it to Bonnaroo this year, Camp will have to suffice (and I know it'll be fine enough for me).

For those of you who don't know (none of you), The Disco Biscuits are my favorite band, and this is their flagship festival. They're playing all 3 nights this year, and I couldn't be more excited about the antics that will ensue.

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There is no kickball game this week. I will shed a single tear and write this to fill the void in my heart (which is probably already filled with bacon grease). The proud, purple-wearing Fighting Amish will have to wait until next week to make another team our bitch (or win by forfeit and then get to scrimmage, which has been the trend lately). I'm certainly not the MVP, but I am a great pitcher/utility infielder with warning-track power. I'd be even better if I stopped daydreaming all the time.

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I'd just like to take a moment to express my disappointment with the Roberts Supreme Court and some of their recent session-ending opinions - specifically those dealing with womens' rights/civil rights. It seems that the Court is going to continue cranking out 5-4 decisions that ignore the rights of anyone who is not a white male. Though the Supreme Court does not wield a great degree of power, it still can make a difference by drawing the public's attention to issues. Upholding the constitutionality of segregation in schools (because race is not an issue), while not bringing us back to pre-Brown times, still sends a strong message. Any sort of affirmative action/race quota is not supposed to exist, because apparently the only way to eliminate disparity between races is by ignoring that it even exists. It's like covering your ears and saying, "LA LA LA LA LA LA!" when you were eight years old (or any time your parents talk about having sex).

In the case dealing with gender-based pay discrimination, they made it a non-issue by hiding behind the "law" and saying that the statute of limitations (which starts with the first act of discrimination [though the plaintiff didn't know of said discrimination for some time]) had long since expired. LA LA LA LA LA LA LA! Actual footnote from the majority opinion in this case, written by Justice Antonin Scalia, "Plaintiff must bake me a pie and iron my shirt for wasting my time."

So, basically, what the F is going on? It will probably get worse before it gets better. Unless someone gives the justices robes infected with smallpox... More on that later.

Boo-urns.

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I've droned on long enough. I hope that you have a lovely holiday and don't light yourself on fire. Before using fireworks, be sure to take this brief True or False quiz about firework safety. And remember, kids should NEVER play with fireworks.

Until next time (hopefully soon).

For Your Entertainment

I read this today in the New Yorker. The humor section is usually pretty good but on occasion there's a gem. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did:

Shouts & Murmurs
My Nature Documentary
by Jack Handey July 2, 2007
Show monkey in a tree. Narrator says, “The monkey, proud and smart, in his native habitat. But one thing h does not have . . .” Show a giraffe. “. . . is a long neck, like the giraffe. Which is why nature has allowe them to combine forces.” Show monkey on giraffe’s neck. (Note: Monkey may have to be tied on.
Then the narrator says, “The monkey can now see very far, and has protection from predators. And the giraffe has a little friendly guy to ride around on him.”
The monkey is shot by a poacher and falls from giraffe. Put ketchup on monkey to make him look bloody, but put something bad-tasting in the ketchup or monkey will lick it all off. Shoot BB gun at giraffe to make him run off.
Narrator: “The monkey and the giraffe have been separated.”
Show monkey wandering around, injured, lost and alone. Make him trip, using fishing line attached to his leg. (Try to get this on first take, because after that monkey will probably try to bite off fishing line.)
Show giraffe being chased by a lion. If not too expensive, use full-sized, realistic robotic lion, able to run at full speed. Otherwise get a man in a lion suit.
The oppressive sun beats down on monkey (heat lamp). Monkey looks up with an expression that says, “Why, oh sun, do you torment me so?” (Get good director.)
We see lion eating a giraffe. At first, we think it is our giraffe, but then we are relieved to see it is a baby giraffe.
Rock slide covers monkey (fake monkey). Show monkey crawling out (real monkey with a few heavy rocks laid on top of him).
Narrator: “Can the monkey and the giraffe survive? Will they ever be reunited?”
Show monkey trying to join group of monkeys (real monkeys or children in monkey suits, whichever is cheaper). Our monkey is driven away by the leader of the monkey pack, a vicious, snarling brute (papier-mâché marionette). Subtitle translates snarls as “You thought you were so great when you were riding on that giraffe’s neck, but you aren’t so high and mighty now.”
Show giraffe, alone in the darkness, shivering from fear (ice packs on legs). Finally, he falls asleep (sleeping pills?). We see his dream. In it, the giraffe fearfully approaches a gravestone. At first, he can’t make out the name on it, but when he finally does he is shocked. The name on the gravestone reads, “The Monkey.” The giraffe wakes up in a cold sweat (heat lamp).
Show two female explorers swimming in a crystal-clear lagoon, so you can see they’re nude. Narrator: “Meanwhile, nearby are two explorers, Laci and Brandy.” Show the explorers swimming for quite a while. Then show them getting dressed and leaving. We notice they have left behind a pair of binoculars.
The monkey is starving now. We know this because when he looks at a parrot on a branch it turns into a roasted, steaming parrot on a branch.
Narrator: “The monkey is now at the end of his rope. So he puts his faith in the Almighty.” Monkey prays. (Glue monkey’s hands together.) Show monkey walking along later. (Be sure to unglue hands first.) He sees a glowing treasure chest and opens it—it’s filled with bananas. (Have choir singing in background, so you know it’s from God.)
Refreshed and healed by that good banana nutrition, the monkey heads off. For comic relief, show monkey approaching a skunk and getting sprayed. If monkey will not approach skunk, feed monkey whiskey so he will relax and go up to skunk. However, do not let him drink too much or he may kill skunk.
Show monkey finding binoculars. Monkey learns how to use binoculars. (Have plenty of film, because this may take a long time.) Monkey climbs up tree and scans horizon. We see his point of view, which finally focusses on, yes, the giraffe! He screams (BB pellet) with joy.
Just then, the giraffe is shot by a tranquillizer dart. We show the shooters, two trappers from a zoo. We know they are evil because we saw a part earlier where they were shooting each other with tranquillizer darts, to get high.
Cut to a truck travelling across the savanna. In a cage in the back is the giraffe, looking sad (half a sleeping pill). But then we reveal that it’s not the two trappers driving the truck but the monkey! (Note: Use cheap truck, because monkey will probably wreck it.)
Show the two trappers sitting on the ground, tied up. No need to show how the monkey captured them; just have one of the trappers say, “That damn monkey!”
Show monkey releasing giraffe from cage and monkey leaping onto neck of giraffe. (Note: Monkey may not do this, so put monkey on giraffe’s neck and jerk back with harness; then show film in reverse.)
Narrator: “The monkey and the giraffe are reunited at last, as nature intended.” Show giraffe trying in vain to reach a piece of fruit high on a tree branch. The monkey clambers up on top of giraffe’s head and picks the fruit, but then eats it himself. The giraffe shakes his head and laughs. (Give giraffe something to induce choking, then dub in laughing sounds.)
Show the two female explorers returning to the lagoon, looking for the binoculars. They can’t find them, so they just decide to go swimming again.
Monkey and giraffe gallop off into sunset. Question: Would it be too much to show monkey wearing a little cowboy hat? Cute, but maybe hurts reality of the documentary. ♦

Lack of Posting

Alright, so Julie finally called me out on not having posted anything in almost a week. You know what, Julie? You also think I'm a raging alcoholic who has no social graces, so... ...Damn, I guess you're pretty intuitive.

In case you didn't get that reference, and for everyone else out there: Today, Julie reminded me that "nobody gets shitfaced" after kickball, because she obviously thinks I am going to get out of hand tomorrow (and I might just to spite her). Why, you ask, would I decide to get out of hand tomorrow? Because I am FINALLY finished with school for the summer!! I had three VERY late nights since last Wednesday preparing a 20-minute presentation, a 14-page research report, and a 10-page final (all for the same class, mind you), all with absolutely no motivation at all (recurring theme in my life). I also studied for my other class's final, but that class wasn't difficult and involved little to no outside work.

So you know what, Julie, maybe I want to get a little drunk tomorrow. And maybe I didn't feel like posting in my blog after agonizing through 25 pages of garbage writing in the last 4 days.

Anyway, not to dump on Julie any longer, I won't get drunk tomorrow until after I part ways with the kickball people for the evening. And here is that post you've been thirsting for - also, due to the fact that this has been directed mostly towards you, you should probably feel pretty famous now, Hersh-K.

So, I started my new job last week, too. So far, so good. More to come on this later (if anything interesting happens at work).

Today, I had carryout from PF Chang's for dinner (while at work). I hate that place, and going in there makes me feel like even more of a doofus. The decorum is just stupid, everything is so fake, and they have desserts with names like "The Great Wall of Chocolate" which, though I've heard it is delicious (and I'm sure it is, because it's chocolate cake, and chocolate cake is effing money), makes me want to choke someone. However, the meal was tasty, and I am certain I will find my way back there again soon for more carryout.

Let's see, other updates... Yesterday I went to Costco with a list of three (3) items. My list was: bagel bites, contact solution, tuna fish. I spent $110. Not because I bought a lot of bagel bites, contact solution (they didn't even have that), and tuna fish, oh no. Because, my friends, I have no willpower. Several things caught my eye as we strolled up and down the aisles, and, well, I bought a 157-piece wrench set. I can't even hang a picture frame, and I bought 157 wrenches. And if you think that's bad, Matt and Jonathan almost bought an inflatable water-slide that would have filled their entire living room. I love Costco. (PS I didn't buy those wrenches, I tried to put them in the cart but I blew out my back - God does not want me to fix things [remember, I am half Jewish]). Also, speaking of Jews and things they do and do not do well, Matt tried to dunk on a 20-foot basketball hoop at Costco and came up about 13 feet short. So close.

After Costco I went toga shopping for Monika's awesome toga birthday party. Yes, I am going into my 4th year in college, and yes, Monika graduated last year. I am still going to a toga party, so you can kiss my ass. And my toga is effing sweet. I can't wait to post pictures (and yes, I will do everything I can to make sure at least one nipple is showing).

Okay, that's quite enough for now. Work early tomorrow again, then kickball and probably karaoke (and infinity beers). I'll hope to catch up with you again before the weekend. Until then - watch our for your corn-hole, man.

Sunburn

As you may or may not know, I spent the weekend on the beach in Connecticut.

As you may or may not know, I am a ginger kid.

I like to be in the sunlight, but whenever I am (for more than 20 minutes) the sun and my skin have violent battles, and the sun always wins. This weekend was no different.

My chest and stomach are beet red. Barn red. Fire-engine red. Whatever you want to call it... Red. The best part is the way my abdomen formed a crease around the belly button from sitting up in a beach chair (and being out of shape), I burned a smiley face onto my belly. It's kind of adorable, and the ladies love it. Just ask Monika or Karlyn, both beautiful ladies, both attracted to my lovely sunburn.

The weekend was very relaxing, hanging out with BPS and his family (one of the best families ever). I was due for my annual debilitating sunburn, so I can go ahead and check that off of this year's things-to-do list.

I saw Ocean's 13 as well, and all I have to say is: The nose plays.

I'm going to go rub aloe on my nipples.

See you soon (Until next time).

[Kickball tonight - GO AMISH!]

Movies

Julie tagged me in her blog to list my top 12 movies. I started compiling a list, and I had over 20 movies for my top 12 in a matter of moments. So, instead I've decided to adapt this in order to more easily choose 12 movies.

I decided being more specific and choosing a category of movies would make it easier (yet I still had to give some honorable mentions so I didn't skip any). If you know me, you know I love Arnold Schwarzennegger movies (and Matt Damon movies). If you don't know me, you're starting to get to know me by reading this. Read on.

Behold! My top 12 Arnold Schwarzennegger films (in no particular order):

1. Pumping Iron - Incredible movie. Though he was just being himself, not even acting, it's one of my favorite movies and probably would have made the other top 12 list. Arnold's confidence and dominance in bodybuilding as well as this film jumpstarted his success in America, and now he's the governor of the largest state in the Union. "Milk is for babies, real men drink beer." A'men, Governor, a'men.

2. The Terminator - I think Arnold said maybe 50 words in the entire movie. Probably less. But, I'll tell you what, actions speak louder than words. He not only killed dozens of people with the precision and cold ruthlessness that only a machine could execute, but he carved out his own eyeball, and uttered perhaps his most famous line ever, "I'll be back." And he did come back, when he drove a fucking Crown Vic' through the police station lobby, and proceeded to unload banana clip after banana clip of ammunition into unsuspecting police officers. Talk about sticking it to the man. Awesome.

3. Terminator 2 : Judgment Day - One of the rare cases in film history in which a sequel is AS GOOD or BETTER than its predecessor. Terminator 2 was absolutely incredible, and also happened to be the first R-Rated movie both my brother and I ever saw (and look how we turned out!) "There's no fate but what we make for ourselves." This film also features one of the most egregious scenes of police racism ever when the SWAT team storms the skynet building and targets Miles Dyson immediately (after a feeble attempt to fire at the caucasian people in the room), firing AT LEAST 30 rounds into his body (somehow he lived for 3-5 minutes after that). T2 also features a supporting role played by Budnick from "Salute Your Shorts". Anyway, I love this movie, and you should too.

4. Twins - The thought of a genetic experiment producing twin brothers of Arnold Schwarzennegger and Danny DeVito: perfect. Science really is cool, and for DeVito and Schwarzennegger to be brothers, too good. Plus, Arnold dead-lifts the back of a car, and throws a guy through a glass window. Also, the blonde girl he gets with is so hot in a 1980s sense. My favorite scene is probably Arnold singing "Yakkity Yak" on the airplane with headphones on. "Yakkity Yak, don't go back!"

5. Junior - Arnold Schwarzennegger, the first man to (thanks to the miracle of science) get pregnant and give birth (through cesarean section due to his lack of a vagina) to a baby. Also starring Danny DeVito - the duo was too good to not make another movie together. I will say no more.

6. Kindergarten Cop - Thanks to the geniuses that created the Arnold soundboards for making prank phone calls, this movie is absolutely essential. So many incredible lines: "Who is your daddy, and what does he do?", "It's not a tumor!", "STOP IT!", etc. The idea of Arnold as an undercover police officer playing kindergarten teacher promises for almost constant entertaintment.

7. The Running Man - This might be my #1 Arnold movie, it's definitely top 3 (with Terminator and T2). This movie, also starring Richard Dawson (the perverted ex-host of Family Feud who used to make out with all of the women on the show) really foreshadowed the direction in which American TV was going. This movie was about a game show in the future that pitted prisoners facing the death penalty against armed/trained warriors in an arena. Audience members would choose which "stalker" the prisoner had to face. Basically, everyone died immediately and nobody ever won their freedom through this game - until Arnold was the biggest badass ever to be placed in the arena. Arnold killed one after another of the TV show's "stalkers" with his bare hands, and had some great lines: "He had to split" (after cutting one guy in half with a chain saw), "What a pain in the neck" (after strangling a guy with barbed wire), etc. Also, when Arnold signs the contract to go on the TV show, he uses a guy's back as a table, and then stabs the pen into the guy's back when he places the tiddle (you like that reference?) over the i in his name, Ben Richards.

8. Total Recall - Alien woman with three breasts. Yep. You get to see all 3 of them. It was 50% better than most nude scenes. Also, Arnold pulls a giant futuristic tracking device out of his nose with plyers.

9. Predator - Another legitimately good movie. "GET TO THE CHOPPER! GET TO THE CHOPPER!!" Featuring I believe 3 future governors (or maybe 2 governors and a state senator, whatever, 3 elected officials), or so I hear. 2 are confirmed, Arnold and Jesse "The Body" Ventura. Someone told me that another guy was a governor, or maybe a state senator or something, for a short period of time in the south, so rather than look this up, I will believe him.

10. Commando - Perhaps one of the greatest one-man arsenals I've ever seen. Arnold fired so many bullets in the climactic scenes of this movie, violence lost all meaning to me, and I almost killed someone. But I didn't have a gun, thank goodness. Because seriously, that scene made me want to fire guns at people more than anything in my life ever has, except maybe "Eraser".

11. True Lies - Jamie Lee Curtis stripping (simultaenously attractive and repulsive - she has nice boobies but was born with a penis [and, allegedly, a vagina]), Arnold flying a Harrier Jet, Tom Arnold being himself (pathetic), Bill Paxton as a used-car salesman, Arnold chasing a terrorist through a hotel on horseback, Charlton Heston, a shootout in a public bathroom (resulting in a terrified old man reading the newspaper on the can)... I could go on. And will: Arnold screaming, "THE BRIDGE IS OUT!", Arnold breaking Bill Paxton's nose in a hallucination, Arnold making Bill Paxton pee his pants, etc.

12. Conan the Barbarian - Arnold took a break from bodybuilding to make this movie, and then went back to it to win Mr. Olympia again, effortlessly (see: The Comeback [little-known sequel to Pumping Iron]). And he has long hair and a broadsword. And he sleeps with a sorceress and then throws her in the fire afterwards (beats making her breakfast). Badass.

Honorable mention:

Eraser - This movie also made me want to shoot people. Arnold killed a crocodile or alligator in some sort of aquarium, and follows it up with, "You're luggage." Also, a bad guy's limo gets hit by a train and the following dialogue takes place:

Person 1: "Where's so-and-so (guy that got hit by train) ? "
Arnold: "He caught a train."

Class-A material there.

Jingle All the Way, Conan the Destroyer, Last Action Hero, Red Heat (Arnold holds a burning coal in his hand while remaining stone-faced - impressive [and I heard he really did that when they filmed it just to prove his manliness, and also someone who worked on the set ate Arnold's salami sandwich and he broke that man's neck between his pecs - true story.])

Worst Arnold movie ever: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (If the female terminator actually got naked instead of just teasing us, it might have made the top 12 - but no, they had to have "class". F that.)

This ended up being longer than I had hoped, so hopefully you didn't lose interest early. If there are any movies on this list you haven't seen, you need to. And I will watch them with you if you'd like. Here's praying for a Constitutional Amendment that allows immigrants to become president, because that's the logical next step for Schwarzennegger. Start lobbying immediately.

I hope to eventually post about my weekend in Connecticut (excellent) and my sunburn (epic). Until next time.