Random Notes

DISCLAIMER: WARNING - THIS POST IS INSENSITIVE AND SOME MIGHT CONSIDER "HORRIBLE". IT'S YOUR FAULT IF YOU CHOOSE TO READ IT. NOT MINE.

Hello Friends. Sorry about that; just, you know, some administrative housekeeping.

1 - Kickball. Next week, playoffs begin. Two nights ago was a firm victory in kickball. We played against a competitive team, the Ash Gray team. We played strong team defense (with the exception of some mistakes in the outfield [but it's difficult to play out there]), we kicked the ball intelligently, and ran the bases well. And, to top it all off, the other team had at least three of THESE . Nothing is better than defeating a team full of douches. One of these team members, in a moment of clarity, said to our shortstop, "Hey Man, sorry about our pitcher, he's kind of an asshole." Indeed he was, my friend; Indeed he was. You know when you show up to a game against a guy wearing jeans, you're in for a treat. This guy ranked at about a 9.5 out of the I'm-A-Monstrous-Asshole scale. I would recommend that he Benoit his family... which leads me to my next note.

2 - "Benoit your family." or "Benoit yourself." These are now the new things to say to people when you're angry at them. When our Sales Manager, Matt Wolf, went on vacation 2 weeks ago, it was too soon to say these things as a joke (a sick joke, yes). Apparently since he's returned, the gestation period of jokability has been completed. Today I was told to "Benoit my family" at least 10 times. I laughed all 10. I know, I'm pretty twisted, but sometimes it's funny to say things that are just so uncalled for, so inappropriate, so over the line, so ridiculous. And if you can't see ANY humor in that, well, then you should probably... You know.

3 - Pasta Fair.. This weekend, I finally get to go to Pasta Fair with Matt Skolnick and his family. Matt went to Pasta Fair for about 12-15 years on his birthday, every year. Not because the food is good, oh no. But because Pasta Fair gives you a free birthday cake. Or so he thought. The last time he went there, he looked at the bill, and the cake wasn't free. All these years, he thought he was going there because, hey, what's better than free cake? (The answer is: Nothing.) Turns out, the food is pretty mediocre, but because of the nostalgia and the story that goes along with it - it's wonderful. And I'm pretty excited to have some Italian food that has been described as, "One or two steps above Olive Garden." Because, Olive Garden, shitty or not, is still delicious in my book (a book that is growing quite full). "So, you know, Pasta Fair."

4 - Golf. Today, I went to the driving range. I got out of work at 7:00, and said to myself, "Maybe I won't go to the bar tonight. Maybe I'll go to the driving range on a nice, quiet Thursday, and really take my time hitting some golf balls. Maybe I can straighten out my swing." I went to the driving range. I didn't drink. Good for me. Only problem is, what I assumed would be a quiet Thursday night at the range was full of 16 year olds being idiots and talking about whose parents were going to be out of town this weekend. But I was fine with that, because I was once that 16 year old. What does suck, however, is this: I sprayed the ball all over the range like a lawn sprinkler. Fucking terrible! I really need to quit golf... I'm just not good. I started to get into a rhythm and was blasting some great shots (and impressing the 16 year old girls... Who might have been 15, which is why I didn't try to capitalize [kidding]). My friend Trey called me, and I talked for about 15 minutes and lost all rhythm. Back to playing like I was using a misshapen tree branch instead of a golf club. Oh well, maybe one of these days I'll improve drastically and won't have to keep battling with quitting (because I'll never ACTUALLY quit). Here's hoping.

5 - Centipedes. I just saw a centipede in my apartment, and I may or may not have screamed like an 8 year old child in a haunted house. I'm so glad Sarah isn't around when I do things like this - that'd be embarrassing. (Hi, Sarah.) It ran under my bed. Centipedes are the one thing that really make my skin crawl. What the fuck do they need so many legs for? Why do they need to live in our apartment? Get a job, centipede. Christ. Seriously... if I had that many legs I'd probably Benoit my family (because it'd be my family's fault that I had so many legs), and then myself.

I promise I will do everything I can to never mention Chris Benoit (or at least not his family) in my blog again. I'm sorry. Fucking Canadian.

I want a slice of pizza.